Sunday, October 9, 2011

Finnish small talk

I decided to write about the Finnish small talk although it's hard to write about something practically non-existent.Small talk is a form of social communication, informal type of conversation to start or keep interaction with the other people, e.g. in order to fill akward silence. Not in Finland.
Finns just don't make the small talks. They don't need them. There's even no term for a small talk in Finnish language. The closest term is 'jutustelu', but it doesn't have the exactly the same meaning. In Finland silence is considered as a part of communication (as I've heard many times).
Finns are totally comfortable with silence. Im not, I feel uncomfotable standing or sitting next to the other person without talking. To me, it's like ignoring the neighbour. I used to be talkative person, but because I'm living in Finland I felt I had to bit by bit 'correct' this unwelcome feature.
I don't wanna be received as intruder.
Few times while being with kids at the public playgrounds I tried to make small talk with the other mothers. Result was always similar - they answered me at most with some 'joo' word, and after that started writing smses or shortly left. I don't think the reason was fact that I'm a foreigner.
In the open club for toddlers and parents, I have seen mothers sitting around the playing children, and despite they had nothing to do - they were not talking to each other.
Summing up: Finns are generally reserved and introverts, and they require their personal space to be respected :-(

Päätin kirjoittaa tästä aiheesta, vaikka on vaikeaa kirjoittaa jostakin lähes olemattomasta.
Jutustelu on sosiaalisia suhteita ylläpitävää keskustelu, käytetty es. kun halutaan välttää kiusallista hiljaisuutta. Mutta ei Suomessa. Suomessa jutustelua ei ole, ja ei ole siihen tarvetta. Suomen kielestä ei edes löydy tarkkaa käännöstä small talkille. 'Jutustelu' on lähin käännös, mutta ei aivan täsmällinen.
Kuulin monesti, että Suomessa hiljaisuus on osa kommunikaatiota, tai jopa kommunikaatioväline. Suomalaiset ovat täysin tyytyväisiä kun ollaan hiljaa. Minä en ole. Kun seison tai istun jonkun viereen, minusta tuntuu että pitäisi keskustella. Jos en puhu, tuntuu kuin ignoroin hänet. Olen aina ollut puhelias, mutta parin vuoden Suomessa asumisen jälkeen, olen jo vähän 'korjannut' tämän ei-tervetulleen erikoisuuden. En halua olla tunkeileva.
Lasten kanssa leikkipuistossa yritin pari kertaa jutella small talkia muiden äitien kanssa. Tavallisesti he vastasivat (tai ei) joku 'joo' sanalla, ja rupesivat lähettämään tekstiviestejä tai kohta lähtivät pois. Mutta en usko, että se johtuu aina siitä, että olen ulkomaalainen. Kun kävin lasten kerhossa, jossa oli monta lasta ja äitiä, naiset istuivat lasten ympärillä tekemättä mitään, ja he eivät keskustelleet toistensa kanssa.
Yhteenveto: Suomalaiset ovat yleensä vähäpuheisiä, varautuneita, sisäänpäin suuntautuneita, ja haluavat säilyttää henkilökohtaisen tilan:-(

5 comments:

  1. This is SO true, I'm a Finn living in USA and I had to learn how to do small talk. Now when I visit Finland with my kids, I tend to forget that you are not suppose to talk at the bus stop or at the playground.:) you end up getting " why is this crazy lady talking to me?"-looks

    Love reading about your experience, mostly it makes me laugh :D

    ps. I went to high school with your hubby, (say HI!) and found your blog from pikkudino web. page.

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  2. I am finnish myself and i have been living in Usa for 2 years now and i have to admit that i'm still not very good at the small talk thing. I get tired of talking all the time,but if there is a moment of silence americans panic and start babbling about something like weather forecast etc. Americans find silence awkward and i really don't get it.Don't get me wrong i love chatting with my american friends,but maybe a minute of silence at times wouldn't do any harm :-)

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  3. It depends so much on the place where u are in Finland. I've been wondering about this thing that finnish ppl wouldnt do small talk because I dont find it so true and I see it all the time and I get to do small talk with ppl a lot. So maybe its just about the location.
    Mary

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  4. Bertolt Brecht said the Finns are “the only people in the world who are silent in two languages”. - The German author Brecht lived in Finland for over a year 1940 when he had to escape from the Nazi persecution.

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  5. My wife not speak to me since last summer.
    She get angry sometimes.
    But I dont mind the silence, and as I recall,
    it´s my turn to talk next...

    Ultill then, I go sauna by myself.

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